#182 Whoa. This is Heavy.

Here's a little known fact about me: I'm super cool, guys. Super, super cool.

Anywho, if there's any delay in getting this post done, it's going to be only because I love Back to the Future and could not shut up about it. Definitely one of my very, very, very, very (that's right; bold, underlined, and italicized for extra, extra, extra emphasis) favorite movie series when I was a kid. I must have put "hoverboard" on my Christmas list at least a few times until I realized they weren't real (and then probably for another year after I found out they didn't already exist because Santa's magic anyway and he could probably have the accomplished elf scientists of the North Pole fabricate one, no problem).

I idolized Marty McFly. By now I sense there's a clear pattern emerging in all of my childhood heroes. Ferris Bueller, Marty McFly, Han Solo, Zach Morris - all cocky assholes who know exactly how cool they are. Indiana Jones fits this role about half of the time but I still probably lump him into the more strong, solemn hero type. But McFly was just the coolest. Much like a Greek hero though, Marty actually gets punished for his hubris and we all learn a valuable lesson about humility, the end. About here is where I'm tempted to make an easy joke about being Asian and not seeing anything wrong with being called yellow (or Yellah! if it's getting spat at you by Mad Dog Tannen) but instead I'll refrain from my natural instinct to pun.

But gosh, how does one sum up what makes these movies so good? They're fun, have a great sense of humor, and at the base of the movies are pretty tightly plotted and engaging. It's also a movie that has a lot of great callbacks and plays well with its own mythology. But more than that, dude, how cool are hoverboards?! And those self-lacing shoes! Lord knows I hate laces. It's always interesting to see how different people interpret what the future will bring.

The second movie was always my favorite partly because of the future section. It also played the most with time travel with the alternate 1985 and the brilliant sequence with the two Martys at the Enchantment Under The Sea Dance. Plus, Michael J. Fox plays his own daughter in it. You've got to respect a man comfortable enough with himself to rock tights and a skirt. Even when he's playing a woman, MJF is the man.

#167 Buddha Belly

I pretty much was saving this shirt specifically for the next time I made my way out to Las Vegas. Then lo and behold my good friend with a good bustline, Stacy mentioned on facebook that she needed a buddy to accompany her on a trip out to Vegas for a job interview. I eagerly agreed.

Our few days there involved stuffing ourselves silly with delicious food, gaping at the people of Walmart look of non-spring break Las Vegas tourists (speaking of which, while Stacy spent most of the nights looking like a fancy prostitute, I spent most of them looking like a plaid sack of manure by comparison), drinking questionable beverages out of a plastic cowboy boot (though perhaps questionable is implied with the words "cowboy boot"), and trying my best not to drunkenly text every girl I've ever met ever. Good times.

#165 What Ninja Turtle phrase haven't I used yet?

Hey, what do you know, another Ninja Turtle shirt. I mean, at this point, I'm even sick of them. What else can I even say about them?

This one is notable for most likely being the first ninja turtle shirt that I ever got for myself. I don't think I had one when I was a kid.

Favorite ridiculous memory of the Ninja Turtle cartoon: In one episode, Michaelangelo goes missing. The other turtles find a slice of pizza in the trash. One of them is able to recognize the bite marks on the pizza and use that as a clue in finding Mikey. Bites taken out of a random slice of pizza is a clue. Even as a child I was like "Um, this is bullshit."

Buy it: Don't. Ringer tees are totes last year y'all.

#155 Avast Ye, Cleveland!

This is a shirt that I believe I got from Urban Outfitters. This was back in the heady days of my pirate obsession. I don't know what I was thinking. Mustachioed historical figures are way cooler. I also probably imagined myself as a bit of a rockstar with my emo bangs and pins on my backpack so the guitar crossbones also sealed the deal.

I remember wearing this shirt a lot with my band hawaiian shirt to help keep my uncovered forearms warm I guess.

#94 Har Dee Har

If you can't quite read it the text reads "WISCONSIN Smell The Dairy Air". Oh, puns. This falls into the tradition of fake souvenir shirts such as "Tijuana: City of Tomorrow", "New Mexico: Cleaner than Regular Mexico", "Caucasia knows how to party", etc.

I think it's time for a haircut soon. I've got a bit of a Prince Valiant thing going on right now. Not attractive.

#86 COOKIES ARE AN ALWAYS FOOD

I can't really remember when or where I got this shirt. Anywho I'm wearing it because yesterday was apparently Cookie Monster day (it's also I guess his birthday).

I may not be big on sweets but I appreciate a good, soft gooey cookie. Crispy, hard cookies can go fuck themselves (well, unless a nice, cold glass of milk comes with them, then they're cool).

Happy Little Blog

If you can't tell, today's shirt features artist Bob Ross host of PBS's The Joy of Painting. If you've never seen the show I highly suggest it if you feel the need to take a nap in the afternoon. He's just the most mellow, calm person ever to have been allowed to appear on public television. As Patton Oswalt so put it, the guy's like a "walking quaalude". His narration as he was painting was just so soothing and calming. Everything he painted was a "happy little this" or "happy little that" and he would kind of come up with little stories as to why everything was there. He was just the biggest hippie with the biggest afro* and it was amazing.

I used to be pretty addicted to the show. There was something so compelling about watching him take a blank canvas and all of a sudden turn it into this really impressive work of art and then immediately fuck it up by adding a gigantic fucking tree in the foreground. I've seen quite a few episodes and there are very few ones that end without him adding a giant brown pine tree on the side of the painting which ends up covering about a fifth of the work he's already done. Like of the maybe two episodes that I haven't seen him paint a big tree like that, one was because all he painted that day was a giant bunny on a blank background.

*Tangent time: There's a little red line below the word afro in my post. Apparently it's a proper noun as my computer wants me to correct it to Afro. After looking at the wiki it's probably because it's short for Afro-American. Wait. My computer didn't correct the word wiki, but afro is improper? What is this madness?

Wax a chump like a candle?

This shirt is from Vintage Vantage which is very sadly going out of business. Most of their stuff is now around the 5 dollar range since they're getting rid of all of their merch. I seen a ton of their shirts sold at places like Urban Outfitters so I'm pretty shocked that they're closing up shop. They have had tons of clever designs in the past featuring things like an Indian chief that says "I Have Reservations", two mounties kissing called "French Canadienne", "Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go to RUSSIA", "Honk if you love geese", and "New Mexico, cleaner than regular Mexico". They're all really silly and there are tons more funny slogans and I'm sad to see them go. They also have a lot of shirts were the design doesn't really have anything to do with the image, e.g. one with a fighter jet on it that says "Who loves burritos?".

If you do check out Vintage Vantage be sure to check out their sale section because for some reason even though they're all on sale there are some shirts there that aren't in the regular section.

Anywho this shirt is called "Ice, Ice, Baby". If you can't tell, the tiny flag on the igloo says "ice ice" on it. The baby saying "too cold" is also a reference to a line from the song ("Ice, ice, baby. Too cold to hold."). It's also kind of a depressing thing for the naked baby to be saying if you think about it too much.